At A Loss

I am warring with myself about whether to write about a particular topic or not.

Part of me needs to talk about it; the other part feels like it does not want to share.

A very dear person, who I loved very much, has passed away. Lizzie was a beautiful woman with a gentle spirit and godly character. She was a blessing to me throughout my life; from simple conversations after church, to outings for books and tea with Lizzie and her sister, to just making me feel loved. She was waiting for a heart transplant when my dad had major heart surgery; her room was just down the hall from ICU, and I loved escaping to go visit with her and her family.

I still feel like I will walk into church and see her sitting in her pew on Sunday. I feel like I will run into her shopping and be able to give her a hug. I feel like I should be able to call her to see if she would like to go out for a cup of tea. I was looking forward to her getting to know my husband; they would have liked each other very much.

I feel like my grief is immense and unending; I cannot imagine what it must be like for her family. I know I should be grateful that I was privileged enough to know her and be glad that she is in a better place - and I am - but right now, it just feels terrible.