At A Loss

I am warring with myself about whether to write about a particular topic or not.

Part of me needs to talk about it; the other part feels like it does not want to share.

A very dear person, who I loved very much, has passed away. Lizzie was a beautiful woman with a gentle spirit and godly character. She was a blessing to me throughout my life; from simple conversations after church, to outings for books and tea with Lizzie and her sister, to just making me feel loved. She was waiting for a heart transplant when my dad had major heart surgery; her room was just down the hall from ICU, and I loved escaping to go visit with her and her family.

I still feel like I will walk into church and see her sitting in her pew on Sunday. I feel like I will run into her shopping and be able to give her a hug. I feel like I should be able to call her to see if she would like to go out for a cup of tea. I was looking forward to her getting to know my husband; they would have liked each other very much.

I feel like my grief is immense and unending; I cannot imagine what it must be like for her family. I know I should be grateful that I was privileged enough to know her and be glad that she is in a better place - and I am - but right now, it just feels terrible.

The Long Silence

I was surprised to see that I hadn't written anything since November. It wasn't that I couldn't have made time; apparently the incessant need to write that I felt when I first got mono disappeared into all of the other things I felt I needed to do. And did need to do. Like finally grade all of those papers.

I am excited about this new year that has started. Excited to try new things, explore new ideas, and dream new dreams. I'm hoping to consistently write and develop skills that have long laid dormant. I don't know what this new year will hold, but I certainly never would have imagined last year at this time that I would be married, with the most incredible husband ever created. (This is not hyperbole. The man is incredible.)

Although the original "Year of Fun" is technically over, the philosophy will carry over. Instead of New Year's Resolutions, I will have the Year of Fun plans. And this time, I made them with my husband. :)